What did one knife say to the other?
Look sharp!
What's the worst thing about being an octopus?
Washing your hands before dinner.
Why did the student eat his homework?
The teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
I trained my dog not to beg at the table.
How did you do that?
I let him taste my cooking.
What's in an astronaut's favorite sandwich?
Launch meat.
What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
Why do you eat so fast?
I want to eat as much as possible before losing my appetite.
What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
Close the door, I'm dressing!
What did the female mushroom say about the male mushroom?
"He's a real fun guy [fungi]."
Ever wonder about people who pay $2 for a bottle of Evian water?
Just spell "Evian" backwards!
Jack: Would you like some Egyptian Pie?
Jill: What's Egyptian pie?
Jack: You know, the kind mummy used to make.
What starts with "t" ends with "t" and is filled with "t"?
A teapot.
The customer asked: "Do you serve crabs here?"
"Yessir," repplied the waiter. "We'll serve just about anybody."
What does the richest person in the world make for dinner every night?
Reservations.
Why don't chickens play sports?
Because they hit fowl balls.
Why did the man stare at the can of orange juice?
Because it said 'concentrate.'
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